How can you give tribute to your parents?
I tell my mother that I love her at least eight times a day and try to act as infantile as I try not to hurt her feelings and, in its truest sense, make her feel happy. Ever since my infancy, the dynamic has been like that, and I can never ignore how her face brightens. That’s maybe the reason I am not able to implement my emotional maturity with her because I still feel like I’m five and, so I’m not able to act my actual age until we have some ‘grown-up talk’ because I don’t feel like a thing has changed between me and her and, I hope that she can constructively share her experiences in the future so that I can view her as a rational adult willing enough to understand me and forgive me in the best way that she can.
To pay tribute to your parents, you can write letters of admiration for them, maybe like a ‘Thank You Letter’. I'm going to be doing this for this 'Mother’s Day'. It is on occasions like this when I feel like I can be inherently open about my feelings without the fear of getting roasted or hit by the reality of the nature of my conduct towards my mother. I don't feel shy about speaking sweetly to my parents, and I feel like that as that’s how I have been wired by the media I consume.
I am pretty bad at the respect part, I believe, because my parents keep telling me that and this is probably the first time I am mentioning my ‘darker side’ or mistakes in one of these blogs. What I have focused till now is more on the flaws of my parent’s parenting skills, and I have also recently discovered that I have had the ‘perfectionist syndrome’ in some way because I used to think of things as black and white, so I couldn’t bring myself to love and forgive both mine and others’ mistakes.
So now I just want to say to my parents, “I am so proud to be your daughter, both of you, equally and I think I realise your true value and role in my life journey and mindset” because I don’t know when or if I would ever be able to say this to their face, because you know it’s easier with friends because they only show their best side to you but with family, it’s different. You know each other inside-out and if you’re able to love each other unconditionally despite that, then you are gold and the luckiest person on earth with one of the best subconscious minds and emotional patterns.
There is conflict in families only when, one of the members isn’t able to accept, forgive and love the other member’s mistakes and starts shaming them for being an irresponsible human, which sometimes may also be unfeasible which is why you should always do the inner work and healing so that you don’t create an unhealthy environment for others.
According to me, if the toxic member happens to be you, then question yourself, if their mistake is something changeable. If yes, immediately call out your toxic behaviour and remind yourself that it’s okay to be human and commit mistakes. Never make someone hate themselves to the degree that they can’t ignore it anymore. Also, if you want to get tribute then you need to make yourself worthy of it first, whether child or parent, don’t make your behaviours nullify all the formal work that you do, especially, to the point, that your child or parent, isn’t able to remember all your good efforts.
First, learn to love yourself and then propagate it to others because it all starts from the self if you ever want to become a parent, keep questioning yourself- Would you want your child to go through something you're going through at the moment? And to the person who observes this kind of ‘behaviour’, first, acknowledge what’s happening to you and then slowly start empathizing with the other member, be the bigger person and forgive them. Kill them with kindness and it shall all come back to you. Just try maintaining that abundance mindset and pay your tribute.
Shambhavi Nautiyal
Ahlcon Public School
Grade- IX
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